A man visited a doctor after getting hit in the crotch by a golf ball. He said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doctor said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to help it heal. It should be ok by next week." Without mentioning the incident to his fiancee, the man married her. On their wedding night, she ripped open her dress and took off her bra. She said, "Your the first to see or touch these." Then she took her panties off and said, "No one has ever touched me here either." Barely able to contain himself, the man dropped his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the crate!"

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

A couple of old friends were talking over a beer. One man said, "My wife is an angel." His friend replied, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

A man was talking to his neighbor and said,"I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!" The neighbor replied,"Great trade!"

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton... Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. ''Well, go in the bushes.'' ''What should I use to wipe my ass?'' ''Use a dollar bill.'' A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with shit all over his hands. ''What happened?'' asks his friend. ''I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters.''

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die. Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, “I don't care if I die, I need a drink.” The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead. Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, “If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead.”

A lady with a frog stuck to her head comes to the doctor's office. When the doctor asked her what's wrong the frog says, “I got something stuck to my ass!”

A group of 3 ladies went to this club for an exotic male review. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of the group, so she pulled out a $10 bill. The dancer came over to the table, and she licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt. Not to be outdone, one of the other women pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek. Now the attention was focused on the third woman. Clearly not enjoying herself, she thought about what she could do to top that and leave? She got out her wallet and thought for a minute. Then the prudence in her took over. She got her ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.

This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed. “But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

A Texas businessman is in town to meet with a large Japanese corporation. The meeting is set for a golf course the next day, so that night, the Texan decides to get some entertainment in the form of a hooker. Considering his meeting, he selects a Japanese hooker. While they are having sex, she keeps screaming, “Ding Wa! Ding Wa!” Thinking that this must mean “great” or “awesome,” he prepares to use it to impress his business associates. So the next day, while golfing, one of the Japanese men tees it up and gets a hole in one! The Texan looks at him and says, “Ding Wa!” The Japanese man looks up curiously and asks, “What do you mean ‘wrong hole?’”

A redneck woman from Gainesville went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered. "They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

A Texan, a New Yorker, and a Bostonian are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila." The New Yorker, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine." The Boston guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the New Yorker between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze—and we have plenty of New Yorkers."

A young Southern belle walks into a bar after having a very bad day. The bartender asks her what she would like to drink, to which she replies, “What kind of beer do you suggest?” “Anheuser-Busch?” the bartender says. The Southern belle then retorts, “Fine thank you. And how’s your dick?”

A large group of lingering Taliban soldiers is moving down a road when they hear a voice from behind a sand dune: “One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 10 Taliban!”

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle erupts, then silence. The voice then calls out, “One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 100 Taliban!”

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and, instantly, a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The American voice calls out once more, “One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 1,000 Taliban!”

The enraged Taliban Commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle rages. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and, with his dying words, tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men! It’s a trap—there are two of them!”